All couples facing divorce bear a difficult burden. Emotions can be overwhelming when a couple is forced to decide matters that involve complex feelings. Add to this complexity that some of the decisions must be made in the shadow of issues that are deeply painful. And couples with children have an added burden of making their decisions within a context of “what is best for the children”. Just pondering this concern can be the most emotionally upsetting of all simply because the stakes are so high for the entire family.
Your children’s perspective during your divorce is vital in coming to the right decisions for your family. Sadly, you cannot ask your children about their feelings. First, they cannot give them accurately because they love you both so much and they desperately do not want to be alienated from either of you. Many times a child says to each parent whatever their frightened and tender hearts tell them they should say at that moment. Oftentimes what they say can be contradictory.
Second, and most important, a child should NEVER be burdened with making adult decisions. A child never should be placed in a position of choosing sides or picking a path ahead. Placing a child in this position may do irreparable harm to him or her emotionally. In the aftermath of the conflict, the child’s ability to have authentic and emotionally rewarding intimate relationships as an adult may permanently be impaired. No parent would want to do this.
Parent’s corner offers resources for your use in making decisions. Videos, essays, blogs and testimonials are available in Parent’s Corner to help you know the path ahead. Most of the videos and essays have been made available by the generosity of Charlie and Barb Asher of UpToParents.org. These videos and writings can be of assistance to you in discovering “what is best for the children”. Many involve direct “testimony” of children about their feelings on a wide range of divorce-related issues. Every parent, in even the most contentious and pain filled divorce, wants what is best for their children. But, and sadly, sometimes it is nearly impossible to know this without help.
At Heartland Family Mediators our meditation method is child-centered, family-focused and committed to assisting couples in finding peace in the aftermath of this most difficult experience of their lives. All couples are encouraged to take time to review these resources as a source of light to what may appear now to be hopeless darkness in the path ahead. At Heartland Family Mediators we are certain that if you have a focus on the children if there are any, and if you focus on Peace in all cases, the difficulty of navigating your divorce will be lessened because you will be free to write your own story.
Our top 5 recommended featured videos
The following list of videos are linked for your convenience to the entire archive of videos we at Heartland Family Mediators recommend for your viewing. The videos have been produced by our friends at UpToParents.org and all are available on YouTube. The videos have been listed generally in order of highest interest to parents to lowest as determined by total views. Many of the videos will include a brief synopsis, others will not as we believe their title speaks for itself.
Complete Video Archive
There are more than 25 videos linked to the Heartland Family Mediators site. All of them are available to you for viewing courtesy of UpToParents.org. You are free to refer the videos to any parents either at UpToParents.org or by using the links we have made to them on this site.
3 Thoughts That Lead To Failure This video explores what parents can give up on in divorce when as parents they would never give up.
Summarizes the unfortunate and petty things parents say and do which keeps them from making progress.
Rely On Your Legal Rights - Or Should You? Explores how you have a right to destroy any hope of having a normal family relationship in the future or... get what it is that you want.
Some Common Effects of Unnecessary Family Litigation – Addresses how an opportunity to focus on the needs of your family is at best impeded and at worst destroyed by the nature of litigated divorce
America’s Favorite Form of Child Abuse Addresses the serious damage inflicted on children and relationships with others when parents run down the co-parent.
Good outcomes for the people involved is the heart of the matter. Period!
This video shows two parents post-divorce offering their perspectives on how a non-litigated method has led to peace for them in their lives and the lives of their child. Particular heartfelt observations by both parents will offer to the most fearful of parents that...
This video is helpful to couples seeking to understand this critical opportunity to co-parent. The explanation is of a general legal nature and it describes the relationship. It is very helpful to couples going through a divorce as it gives them knowledge which helps...
Summarizes the potential impact of divorce on the most defenseless and fragile of children.
Summarizes the potential impact of divorce on older children who frequently are seen to be “through that”. Maybe so, maybe not.
This video explores 9 misconceptions virtually all couples have regarding the divorce process. For the most part, if these misconceptions are acted upon as being true, extreme damage can be inflicted on the children and the parents themselves. These misconceptions are...
Direct and frank comments regarding the perceptions of three sisters who experienced the pain of divorce and how arrangements post-divorce added pain.
This video explains the significance of allowing children a safety zone where they will not be exposed to destructive and damaging negative parental communications/behavior.
Explains the complex and challenging feelings/thoughts of children as they process their imagined roles in family conflict and their belief that they are responsible for their parent’s problems.
So where do you go from here?
If you want additional information about mediation or if you wish to schedule a free initial consultation with a Heartland Family Mediators professional, click the box below and see if mediation as a solution can be in your future.