Did you know that UpToParents.org sends out a question of the week? I read the Question of The Week every week because the questions are on point, timely, and always interesting. Recently, I saw a question and answer that struck me strongly. As the Question of The Week considers, not all divorces have to happen. Surely there are situations where reconciliation is not an option. But it is a sobering thought to consider that all the pain could be avoided if couples gave it just one more try. If just one couple reconciles their marriage, this percentage could go down, and the couple could stay together. And their families would not be subjected to the devastating effects of divorce. After all is said and done, if reconciliation is impossible, consider what the implications could be if couples choose mediation and not litigation to complete their divorce. Lower cost, a collaborative agreement you helped craft, and an agreement you can live with, a happier life going forward and a world where children can thrive because these parent’s lives are not filled with the strife so common with litigated divorce.
At Heartland Family Mediators, we use a process that is family focused and child-centered. We listen. We provide couples with an objective third party perspective and we try to help them work the challenges through. We are here to help you find peace for your family. We seek to help you be successful, have accomplishments in your future for which you can be proud, and to help you find a path to assure your children enjoy to the fullest their one and only childhood.
We want to help.
| Following is the Question of The Week I referred to. See what you think. Dr. Robert E. Emery has studied the number of cases where separated and divorced parents say that they thought they should have tried harder to stay together.One month after custody issues were resolved, in what percent of cases did at least one parent say he or she felt that they should have tried harder to stay together? | ||
| a. | 10% (10% of responses) | |
| b. | 20% (11% of responses) | |
| c. | 30% (13% of responses) | |
| d. | 40% (22% of responses) | |
| e. | 60% (The actual answer – and 43% of responses) | |
This struck us as a large number, but it seems to be accurate. And this finding seems to have two implications.
First, for anyone headed for a divorce that is necessary or cannot be stopped (remember, no one can make his or her spouse stay married), the grief of having to accept the divorce must be acknowledged and addressed. Too often, destructive conflict continues because of a conscious or unconscious attempt to keep the divorce from happening.
But second, maybe not every divorce must proceed to conclusion – and perhaps more marriages can be happily saved. One of the understudied topics in the field of separation and divorce is just how many couples actually save their marriages and even elevate them to a state of happiness not known before.
One tool couples may want to consider if they are open to the possibility of a happy reconciliation is NoDivorceToday.org, a resource for making separations as constructive, peaceful, and relationship-sensitive as possible.