When I was contemplating divorce, I needed as much information as I could to help me understand what that would really mean to me – in all facets of my life. So one of my steps was to have a consultation with a lawyer. As I sat listening to her talk about putting our whole lives into a “pot” and dividing it up, and continually referring to how much she could “get” me, I was overwhelmed. It seemed so complicated and adversarial. While I knew I wanted to end my marriage, I did not want to ruin the chance for us to salvage at least a friendship out of our 22 year together.
We were lucky, in that our decision to divorce was not based on anger or betrayal. It was based on the fact that we had been nothing more than roommates for the majority of our marriage, and we had stayed together for our children. But our children were growing up and leaving, and it was time to really look at our own lives, and decide how we wanted to live them. That one meeting with a lawyer had me wondering if there were any alternatives to litigation, and that is when I came across the website for Heartland Family Mediators.
Their approach was just what we were looking for, in that it was based more on what we could agree upon, instead of where we disagreed. It allowed us to think reasonably – to use our ability to be calm and logical. We came to the table already at peace with each other, and we didn’t want the process to change us. I cannot tell you how using mediation assisted in walking our children through this. They never saw us argue, never saw us treat each other any differently, and because we were at peace, they have been too!
Jim and Amy treated us both respectfully, and were there for advice when we needed it. But I appreciated that they let us do our thing, and only intervened when invited. I highly recommend their services!